Life with a Stalker

I have been a woman who has always been lucky to have people around her who respect her space. Be it my parents , my friends, my husband. Everything was going smoothly. And then there was a sudden change of events. It became ugly. Ugly to the tinniest of details. Smallest of activity . I was being watched. He started telling me what to do. He started negotiating with me things I won’t even let MY OWN SELF intrude in. I was scared, is it the beginning or an end to the era of independence. No matter how much I tried to keep him away from certain aspects of my life and my whereabouts,he would find me again and again and again

Who said it was easy being mother of a toddler. A hyperactive , super inquisitive toddler.

Scene 1 : Attending to nature’s callsome might find it funny, but then when you have a little man toddling behind you, standing on your head ,watching you DO it. Trust me its not funny. And to top it all, asking you again and again,’ ho gaya finish mumma ( is it finished)’,you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Of course there are more important things waiting for him outside,like making his favourite teddy sleep.

Scene2 : A glass of water: now you have to totally make sure that the stalker is not stalking you when you enter the kitchen. I once forgot this little detail and the moment I turned back to put the glass on the shelf, my little man was holding a bowl from my favourite dinner set, standing right there,looking at me in my eyes. I was about to say something when  ” CRASH” it was too late. My heart skipped a beat. For him,and them my bowl. Sigh!

Scene 3:Television: of course the mother of all inventions. When my mind refuses to work any more, my savior ,my best friend ,a modern moms baby sitter THE TV comes handy. But don’t ever dream of watching what you like. I made that mistake,oh! Some Mommy’s never learn. while changing channels for the new man of the house I found my favourite sitcom from college days playing. I Stopped. I watched. I had my eyes glued to something else other than my son. POP ! Oops,my mother-in-laws specs,made its way to the flush pot. How dare I ignore him. Punished.

Scene 4: Sleep:  my dear fellow moms,if you think your infant makes it difficult for you to sleep,wait till they grow up to be a toddler. The moment mine finds me rest in peace, he pats on my head,my shoulders,my back,pokes my eyes,jumps on my stomach. And I fail at my attempt to ignore him,thinking he might leave. They have found you sleeping. Really! That is a crime in toddler moms bible.Then the rut begins muma,mummy,mumma, mumma, mummy,Maa. Your feeble hanji(yes),is followed by,’aap so rahe the’ ( were you sleeping). What? That’s all what you wanted to know.

Scene 5: Food: This is one place the stalker stalks you best. Just to inculcate some great eating habits in your son,because your husband lacks at them,you have been trying to set an example. Eating ghiya,tinda,karela ,(bitter gourd)and what not along with your baby. They won’t ever acknowledge it. After I’ve swallowed all this,the culinary expert instead of imitating his mom,wants cheese,fries,Alloo prantha and all the forbidden junk. And if he ever finds me sneaking an extra chocolate or spicy gol gappe,i won’t be spared, because he wants it,half in his mouth ,and half on my clothes. Leaving me worried and freaking out with guilt.

Scene 6: Mind your tongue: as humans we tend to have certain weaknesses. Becoming a mom doesn’t redeem you of those. I am quick to anger,and then using some fine jewels from my personalised dictionary. Specially while driving. But that was my dirty secret, until my son heard me,imitated me,and incessantly repeated it  for everyone in the world to know and blame his mom for imparting such sanskar ( habits)to her son. Now you are barred from little luxuries in life too.

Being a mother rocks, and being a mother to a toddler rocks your world and teaches you to live under strict vigilance. You better pay heed to these tiny bombs,or you’ll be bombarded. And privacy? What’s that,because now you are scared even to talk to your husband in front of them,God knows what next will they publicize about you. But my advice to all, enjoy till it lasts,because soon enough they’ll grow up,and you are the one who will end up missing these satellites. 


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