A personal dilemma. Calling out for all the HELP!
My dear son was born after three years of my marriage, he was a baby that came into this world by choice. Me and my husband planned him when we were dying to have the family started, though the extended family was sure there is something wrong in our brains or probably down there for not wanting a baby, they were pretty ecstatic with the so called ‘ good news’. 9 months passed, came this angel, about 40 days later popped a question that took us by storm, SO AB DOOSRA KAB KARNA HAI? ( SO WHEN ARE YOU PLANNING your second child?) What? I had a c- sec 40 days back, absolutely clueless about 1001 things right now , and am I really being questioned about this, should I laugh or cry?
Time flew, literally, a time came when my son turned around one , and I thought to mysef, I AM NEVER GOING TO HAVE A SECOND CHILD. That’s it, end of the discussion, reasons unknown to me too, but I made up my mind. Even wild horses can’t drag me to do this again, its about time I get my sanity back, SONA hai mujhe.( I need to sleep) few weeks passed, I contemplated, my mind like a satelite started looking for single children tracing their graphs mentally, are they secure , are they loners, are they socially capable to share, how are they in studies, what about the advantages they have over children who grow with siblings. and the tables turned, now I wanted a second child, like socially my life was a mess, forget socially, even my personal life was upside down. no time for myself , my husband, my family, my home, but I wanted a second child, again reasons absolutely unknown, I wonder do hormones take so long to settle down, because pre pregnancy I was pretty logical, now everything has gone for a toss. So now I was convinced my son needs a sibling, I DONT WANT ANOTHER CHILD FOR MYSELF, BUT MY SON. Who will he have after we die, or who will play with him at home, who will he share his life with, his secrets, toys, pranks. Yes now I definately I want a second child.
I had a word with my husband , who by now was totally convinced I have lost my mind in the OT during my delivery. I had to convince him that my biological clock is ticking. and he was trying to put some sense to my mind that this isn’t an irreversible decision. that I shouldn’t have a baby till I WANT him. and when it comes to my son who is two year old by now, my husband said he is really confident that the little one will find at least one true friend and a companion in the population of 100’s millions of people.
And as it was bound to happen , few days ago I had De ja vu, now I Don’t want a second baby. God has been kind, we are able to give the best to our baby since day one, be it emotionally or monetarily , but what if with two we have to start prioritizing, what if for one the other loses out on things, what if I ever compare between the two, and what if they never get along. Nope not gonna risk so much just to chase a dream. Yes I am not afraid to admit I have fear of the unknown.
Does anyone have an answer to this dilemma. Is there a parameter that only two kids complete a family, cant someone feel complete with one. does a child miss out on something if they have a sibling or vice-versa. I wish someone hacks this mystery for me and likes.